Sunday, July 8, 2007

Babies Gone Wild

In the same spirit as Okie Noodling and "Girls Gone Grabblin," wouldn't you like to see videos about "Babies Gone Wild?" If you think that wouldn't be entertaining than you certainly haven't seen my sugar deprived toddler immediately after someone says MARSHMALLOW! Now that's a baby gone wild!

Another of my toddler's greatest new tricks is the infamous spinning himself in circles until he gets dizzy and falls down...only this baby gone wild screeches "BOOM" at the top of his lungs and then gets right up and does it again- over and over again as it never gets old. Wild, huh?

Some time ago, I had the pleasure of working with a group of teenagers who were participants in the "Baby Think It Over" program, by Reality Works. The program is designed in part to help teenagers seriously think about what it means to be a parent as they care for an infant simulator. The infant simulator gets hungry, needs to be changed, and cries. The simulator records how long it takes the teenage "parent" to respond to the baby's needs as well. Though it is interesting to watch a group of teenagers pretend to be parents for a week, my experience led me to have some doubts as to the effectiveness of the program, despite what some of the research might say. Granted, I was also observing a group of troubled teenagers who already had a great deal of issues to work through to begin with. For instance, I recall a promiscuous fifteen-year-old who wanted a baby and the infant simulator did little to convince her of anything besides the fact that she would certainly receive an "A" in parenting. She was more convinced than ever that she wanted to have a baby, but really all she was capable of doing was inserting a key in the back of a simulator and holding it there until the baby stopped crying.

As a parent of two Babies Gone Wild, both under the age of two, I would really like to know where the damn key is at midnight, 1 AM , 2AM, 4AM, 4:30AM, and 5AM when both are up and bouncing off the walls around here! Shoot, I'd settle for a skeleton key! Wow, now let's do some market research on that little product, shall we? Of course, where's the infant simulator that allows the teenager the opportunity to experience the joys and challenges of breastfeeding? Or is there an infant simulator for multiples? Twins? Triplets? Or the toddler and the infant sibling variety?

Don't get me wrong, I love being a parent. I also firmly believe there is no greater more important job in life than parenting. I'd also be lying if I said there haven't been times that if my joyous little infants had keys in their backs to time how long it took me to respond to their cries, I would probably have received at least a "C" if not a lower grade as sometimes no matter what, a person simply doesn't have enough hands to do everything simultaneously. However, an infant simulator doesn't move nor does it have another infant simulator to contend with. There's not a simulator program available that can prepare you for what it's like to keep up with two mouths that are hungry at the same time, two bottoms that need new diapers at the same time, and loads of laundry, diapers, and dishes that need to be done, and oops! the cup of milk and bowl of spaghetti that was just dumped on the floor too!

Maybe there should be a postpartum "Mothers Gone Wild" segment instead, starring my toddler! Lately, he could pass as a simulator as you can ask him any question you want and his answer is always, "Yeah."

Are you hungry? "Yeah."

Do you need to go potty? "Yeah."

Is the world coming to an end? "Yeah."

Is mommy crazy? "Yeah."

Am I turning into my mother? "Yeah."

Does this outfit make my butt look fat? "Yeah."

The new toddler simulator! It always agrees with you no matter what! In stores soon!
Not to mention, the new toddler simulator already comes playing with it's very own set of keys!! You don't have to put a key in the toddler's back as the toddler can take the keys and put them into every single keyhole in your house while you chase after him! Don't worry! If you lose the keys, the toddler will always be one step ahead of you and FIND them too!

I know, it's nearly as bad as someone asking you what the words are to the Smurfs theme song. "Years ago I could sing the whole song by heart, but right now I'm just drawing a blank...."

(Still trying to remember the words? You know who you are...)

La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La....


Alas, it seems I'm not the only one who thought there should be a Babies Gone Wild. Check out the video. Funny or Die? I'm not sure, but is it definitely a good waste of 3 minutes and 17 seconds?


Do you really have anything else more important to do?


Did four grown men really do that?

No they didn't!! LMAO!!

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The bouquet residence

The bouquet residence
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