Out With the Old...

I guess this is the second housekeeping part of every new year...out with the old...

In your writing last year, was there something leftover that you'd just really like to let die? Or wish it would just keel right on over? And get the heck out of your life? I mean, bury it already!

A while back, I think after a season premiere of Grey's Anatomy and watching Meredith try to drown herself in the bathtub (and wanting to tell her that an oven would've been MUCH more effective) I contemplated the whole death aspect of our pop culture, and though how it's filled with sorrow and grief, and so on, there is still such a high level of entertainment associated around death.

Now, don't misunderstand me. I really don't want a whole lot of hateful comments from Meredith or Plath fans about how I'm being insensitive, but have you ever at least considered the possibility that in pop culture there is indeed a certain entertainment value toward death? We have this fascination toward the grotesque on so many multiple levels.

Having lived beside a cemetery for a number of years, I see this quite keenly every day. Sometimes I think it has to be funny too or else it would be unbearable. Especially since there are probably a thousand families out there who I'd like to say, "If you're going to spend so much money on the artificial flowers on your loved ones graves, you should take care of them because I HATE having to pick them up out of my own front yard every time the wind blows really hard!"

Has anyone else ever done that? I get anonymous special deliveries all the time and it's always the most awkward feeling. First, I think I should thank someone. Silk red roses certainly are beautiful, though I generally do prefer fresh. Second, there's part of me that feels I should insist, "Oh, I'm so very very sorry...there's just no way I could possibly accept these, they're simply too much." Third, there's a part of me that truly feels sorry for the person whose flower saddle or vase is now empty because the arrangement wasn't properly secured. And last, but certainly not least, since I lost my own grandmother near the end of last year, the arrival of each and every new bouquet has her speaking to me with her Depression era words of wisdom, "Those are just too pretty now, for you to let them sit there and rot. You know better than to let those go to waste!"

I do hope my grandma understands that I don't for the life of me know what to do with cemetery flowers...they're not exactly like old cel phones that you can just drop off somewhere and donate to a good cause. And I'll admit it...there are a few older looking graves that I occasionally feel sorry for and venture out stealthily to play a fun quick game of "pin the flowers on the tombstomb" when I think none of my neighbors are looking.

Even right now there's this rather large white styrofoam cross sitting beside my front porch stoop that I haven't a clue what to do with. It's beautiful really. One of the nicer more expensive arrangements and I would think someone is pretty sad that it just blew into my front yard. It's just sitting there. I can't bring myself to do anything with it just yet. Each time I go out to run an errand I think, that would certainly be beautiful for Valentine's Day and someone's probably really going to miss it. And as I come back from my errand, it's as if this still small whisper is saying, "Take up the cross."

It's a bit unnerving...and what exactly am I supposed to do with it?

Grandma never left me any sage advice about what to do with these sort of things...but, she did insist that I should keep writing. Maybe that's the greatest thing about really loving to write. It never dies and it never will be something you can just bury.

That said, if you still need to borrow a shovel and throw some dirt on an idea, by all means feel free to go right ahead and do so. It might make you feel better. If it doesn't, then give me a shout. I can give you an exceptional discount on silk floral arrangements.

Writing Goals for 2009

The start of a new year always brings with it this irritating feeling of inadequacy. Last year's to-do list is still lingering around with its leftovers that I try to keep longer than cold spaghetti covered in saran wrap in the way back of the refrigerator. There's just something about cold spaghetti that seems, simply unappetizing.

Who really wants to eat it? Or go through the trouble of heating it up in the microwave? All the hassle for some limp noodles?

Ever get that feeling about what you're writing?

I know I do. Especially since I have it programmed in my brain that pasta is nothing but cheap carbohydrates and it's so much quicker and easier to go get another box and heat up a fresh pot!

Writing is often the same way as it's so much easier to toss aside an unpolished clump of junk and go pick up someone else's shiny new book which either reminds me of Garden Rotini in assorted flavors or homemade Fettucini Alfredo.

So, one of my writing goals for 2009 is to stop being such a cold, limp noodle. To really find out what's hiding in the way back of my refrigerator. To not be scared to throw out some green looking, funky smelling leftovers, and discover some compost material or just plain trash.

As a writer, if you've got something hiding in your refrigerator than I'd like to challenge you to pick up that leftover spaghetti - that half finished novel you set aside 'round about June last summer, that idea that's been simmering on the stove, that tiny piece of macaroni that's been camping out between the eggs and the butter, or that notion you shoved into the crisper that's slowly turning brown around the edges like a forgotten head of lettuce.

Let's start using those noodles!

I promise to do the same...soon as I really do clean out my refrigerator because right now I'm sure I've got a few noodles that have dehydrated into nothingness and become jelly super glued onto the bottom of something.

Virginia Festival of the Book

Need a reason to come visit Virginia?
Here's a great one -

March 18-22, 2009 will be the 15th Annual Virginia Festival of the Book!

Five, yes FIVE days of mostly free literary events that are open to the public, with the intent to honor book culture and promote reading and literacy.

Wow! What a great excuse to come hang out in Charlottesville!

Look for the weekly contest too for a chance to win a festival shopping bag and event tickets.

Happy New Year Discover Southside

The holidays are always a mad house for me, so it's been awhile since I've posted. Yet, I certainly haven't missed out on things going on in Virginia.

Discover Southside is quickly becoming one of my favorite places to read about the "going ons" in our area as well as to enjoy a few laughs about the lighter aspects of living in rural Virginia. If you haven't had a chance to check it out, here are a few of my fun favorites from the last couple of issues:

Happy New Year from Verrnack & Blupirk - These two little aliens are always up to something!

Convergence Art Guild’s Premiere Art Show - Great article about the new Art Guild and their first show.

The Bubba Clause - Hysterical alternative Christmas gift ideas from Bubba! The Mountain Dew bottle Christmas trees all lit up certainly are pretty!

Looking Gorgeous This Christmas - Amy Hanek's ponytail lament is sure to brighten any mom's day!

There's lots of other great stuff there too so spend a little time getting to know what's going on in our neck of the woods!

More Tomato Tales

The last of the tomatoes are coming in and late yesterday afternoon I picked what will probably be my final bucketful for this year. I thought I was just in time to make one last batch of homemade spaghetti sauce until I realized I didn't have any tomato paste in the cupboard. With two little ones to bathe, read a stack of books too, and tuck in good-night, I decided venturing out to the grocery store would have to wait until tomorrow. So, I left the bright red 5-gallon bucket of tomatoes carefully placed beside the refrigerator in the kitchen.

This morning I really struggled to get motivated. I knew the tomatoes were waiting in the red bucket in the kitchen and I kept telling myself I'd get to them soon...

Soon as the 3-year-old quit throwing legos at his brother. Soon as I mopped up the spilled milk that the little one was eagerly "fingerpainting" with on the kitchen table. Soon as I found out what happened to the little one's missing sock. Soon as I made sure a lego or the missing sock hadn't inadvertently been flushed down the toilet...

As I retrieved the plunger from the toilet and a gleefully squealing toddler escaped past me, I figured I would get to the spaghetti sauce soon...very soon. Ok. The toilet emergency was a false alarm and I was just about ready to put the kids in the car and venture out into public when....

Soon, I heard two peels of laughter and one rambunctious 3-year-old shouting, "Mommy, me are having fun! Me are having fun! Me are playing ball!"

Yep. You probably guessed what the boys were playing ball with.

Here's a funny question for ya...how many tomatoes can two little boys throw across the kitchen and living room in say, all about ten seconds?

5? Nah. Way too few!

10? You're so cold there's icebergs on your toes!

20? Getting warmer.

Last count in rounding them all up? I think it was around 32!

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. How can two little boys do that so quickly? Here's another perspective. Do you know how mad you can get as you round up 32 tomatoes and mop up tomato juice and tomato seeds from the floor, the walls, the carpet, and two little children who have seeds coming out of their ears and their noses?

I was admittedly a tad bit upset and very nearly turned into the Devil Woman Tomato herself again. However, after a stern lecture I quickly got over it. My mother used to say that the punishment should fit the crime.

So, can you guess what my little ones had for lunch today?

Yep. Half sliced and half squished tomato sandwiches.

In our house, food is to eat - not to throw on the floor. However, if you intentionally throw it on the floor you still have to eat it. Depending on what it is, you might also just have to clean it up...can you tell by the "house rules" that we've gone over this at least a time or two?

Needless to say, I think I know two little boys who will probably not be playing ball in the house again, at least with tomatoes.

As I angrily pureed tomatoes at lunchtime, I had to smile. The happy 3-year-old seated at the kitchen table grinned up at me with tomato juice dripping all down his face and all over his clothes. In between mouthfuls he said, "Mommy me is not playing ball. Me is eating tomatoes!" Then, he wanted to know what I was doing and if he could help make "sketty sauce" too.

Sure is hard to stay mad even hours later when I'm still stepping on tiny tomato seeds as I walk through the kitchen. Now, it's getting late and those two balls of energy are sleeping soundly. The stove is on low and there are two large pots gently simmering that I stop what I'm doing to stir occasionally.

Soon, I'll call it a day...soon as the spaghetti sauce is done.

Rotten Devil Tomato, Baby Stringbeans, & Teeny Tommy Toes

Well, as all good things must come to an end so does the life of the "Devil Tomato." However, I do think she was looking most particularly devilish there near the end!

Yeah. I "saved" her until the fruit flies got to be a bit much.

There were, unfortunately, no other interesting tomato demons lurking about the garden.

However, my son, who is almost three, still enjoys toting his "tomato bucket" around in anticipation of trying to find a few end of summer ripe ones. With a rather glum look on his face yesterday he refused to pick any tomatoes. I asked him what was wrong. As he stomped off he shouted back to me, "None of these tomatoes have noses and faces!"

While there haven't been any other tomato devils, there have been a couple other interesting little babies.

This little stringbean baby, is actually two stringbeans which merged on the vine into one lovely and tiny little "fetus." This reminded me of either a Mother Nature or garden variety version of Camille Allen's Marzipan Babies. In case you're not familiar with Camille Allen, her miniature baby dolls are definitely not really made out of marzipan. They're delicately hand-crafted clay sculptures which she creates in limited editions. They are occasionally listed for sale on eBay.

While my doll collection is carefully stored until my small children realize that a Simon Halbig is not translation for, "See mommy, how big!" as something they reach out to touch accidentally breaks, I am in complete awe of the Marzipan Babies. I was equally in awe of this little stringbean baby as well...this is my doll collecting...on a "shoestring budget!"

Though I still think a great idea for a real Marzipan Baby collection would be vegetables, or "Fresh from the Farm." Instead of pink, blue, or white crochet diapers and hats, how 'bout green ones with miniature stems? Twins or triplets in a pea pod? An orange hat and diaper for a new little pumpkin? Yellow for sweet silver queen corn?

Ok. I'll stop. But not until I've shown you one more baby from the vegetable garden.

I call this one Teeny Tommy Toes...

What's so neat about "Teeny Tommy Toes" is that he's still so little that his skin is translucent and you can see his spinal cord!

If you never look at produce the same way again, I will definitely be elated!

Jesus in a Cheeto? The Devil in a Tomato?

The web is buzzing about Kelly Ramey and her discovery of Jesus in a snack-sized bag of Cheetos. Quickly deeming the edible orange oddity “Cheesus,” Ramey’s family is enjoying the unique Cheeto which bears a resemblance to the shape of Jesus on the cross.

Like Kelly Ramey, I too recently found my own spiritual coincidence while making homemade spaghetti sauce. After picking buckets of tomatoes with two small rambunctious boys I was exhausted. The children were more than a little ornery and my day, to say the least, was difficult. The task of pureeing tomatoes and preparing dinner was inciting additional anger and frustration...

Until I discovered my very own, extremely delightful, angry "Devil Woman."

There was an old devil woman, who hated tomatoes too, but she had so many children, she didn't know what to do!

If you're interested in a few more funny looking tomatoes, check these out:

A Chinese man bought a Mickey Mouse tomato at his local market.

The Human Face tomato

More funny shaped tomatoes.

Scroll down the page to see the "Attack of the Salmonella Tomato" - obviously a doctored photo but it's funny.

Ok, so this one is an orange that looks like a cat but since tomatoes are fruit? veggies? I deemed that it was worth including!

I predict the world will continue to find the unusual in common every day items...

There's the potato chip lady, Myrtle Young, who visited Johnny Carson in 1987 to show us her potato collection...

Kelly Ramey now has the Jesus "Cheesus" Cheeto...

What do you think will be next?

Well, if you find something strange in your food, do share and let me know...in the meantime I'm hoarding away bags of Cheetos and I'm not sharing. No, not seriously, but I will make another trip out to my in-laws' garden just to be sure there aren't any other demons lurking around. I'll be sure to let you know what I find!